


Easy Escape

by Esperata



Category: Teen Titans Go!
Genre: Aquariums, First Dates, Innuendo, M/M, Museums, Pier, Theatre, toy shop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25486933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: Edward is taking Oswald out on a proper date today, whether Arkham likes it or not.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 19
Kudos: 43





	Easy Escape

He’d deny that he was dithering but Oswald would admit to giving careful consideration to the final component of his outfit. Should he stick with the reliable uniform black top hat, opt for something a bit more vibrant or perhaps hedge his bets? The sombre purple with the blue band was a nice compromise. Although maybe the brighter blue hat with the purple band would give a better impression? He wanted Riddler to know he was full of optimism for their day together.

A clattering sound from above distracted him and he looked up expectantly, hats temporarily forgotten. The noise progressed along until stopping and he fixed his gaze on the grate in his ceiling, a smile already spreading across his face. Seconds later he was rewarded by another smiling face popping through and grinning at him.

“Eddie!”

The grin widened further before Riddler shifted round to drop down into the cell with him.

“Oswald. Are you ready to be romanced, my princely Penguin?”

Despite his heart leaping at the thought Oswald determined to at least try to present Riddler with a challenge

“Do your worst. I’m not that easily - Ooh candies!”

Ed had produced the heart shaped box from his hat like a magician with a rabbit and chuckled lightly at the enthused response.

“Not quite,” he corrected, stepping forward and lifting the lid for his recipient to see.

Inside were a selection of herrings, sardines, and other assorted fish.

Oswald looked up at him starry eyed as he accepted it.

“Even better,” he agreed. “Breakfast in bed.”

“I could hardly have you going out hungry now could I?”

As Oswald tucked into his food Ed took a seat next to him, sitting slightly sideways so as not to be at risk from the other man’s elbows but to enable him to brush their legs together. It also let him watch his enjoyment.

“I take it you have some means of getting us out of here that doesn’t involve climbing through the ceiling vents?”

Oswald barely paused in his eating to ask and never took his focus away.

“I do,” Ed confirmed with a touch of smugness. “You’ll have to wait and see though. Just worry about finishing that for now.”

It was unnecessary advice but relieved any pressure Os might have felt about over indulging.

“What’s our plan for the day?”

“Well, I thought we could start with a trip to see the new exhibit at the art museum before visiting the aquarium where we could get some lunch.”

“What is the new exhibit? Reubens?”

“No.” Ed hesitated but had no choice but to confess. “Its Keith Harings work.”

As expected the announcement that they were in fact going to see Ed’s favourite artist drew an eye roll from Os, even as he put aside his empty snack box, and Ed hastened to appease him.

“I just want to share something I love with the person I love.”

He coupled the declaration with a heartfelt look and was immediately rewarded by a melting expression of softness on Oswald’s face.

“Has anyone told you that you’re a silver tongued devil?”

The comment couldn’t fail but to make him preen but he quickly snapped back as a sound rent the air.

“Ah, that’s our cue.” He stood and pro-offered an arm. “Shall we?”

Oswald stood and brushed off the crumbs before accepting gratefully.

“With pleasure.”

He caught up his umbrella and was about to grab one of the hats from his bed when Ed deftly reached out to snatch the purple one off his hat stand and handed it to him.

“Thank you.”

While he situated the appareil, Ed escorted him to the door which had automatically opened as the blaring alarms started. Stepping into the hallway it became clear that every cell along the corridor had opened and Oswald could see the tail end of the other inmates exiting. Given Ed’s relaxed attitude he felt no need to hurry himself and relished the feel of the arm wrapped comfortably in his.

“This is going to be the best date you’ve ever been on,” Ed promised.

And Oswald had no doubt at all that it would be.

TT

It was half an hour and counting since Edward had started telling him about the artist, and the meaning behind his work, and he showed no signs of stopping yet. Not that Oswald particularly minded. There was a sweet appeal to Ed when he was this enthused about something. A happiness that lit up his face as he explained the history and critical assessment of each piece.

However he couldn’t deny that most of what Ed was actually saying had passed him by. Oswald was content basking in the flow of his voice and in having Ed so eager to share this with him, even if he really didn’t see the appeal himself. He preferred the classical artists. Those which didn’t look to be done by a child. 

“And this is possibly my favourite piece,” Ed gestured at another simplistic, garish image. “Radiant Baby.”

He paused and Oswald found himself wrong footed as he suddenly realised Ed  _ did  _ want a response this time.

“Oh. It's… very… evocative.”

“It is, isn't it?”

Ed smiled widely and Oswald concealed his sigh of relief at picking the correct adjective. Glancing sideways he saw Ed staring somewhat wistfully at the picture.

“It makes me think of a simpler time,” he continued in a softer voice. “When life was easier. Before I realised how frustrating everything would be.”

His smile had morphed into a frown and Oswald reached out to clutch his hand in his.

“Not everything surely,” he pointed out, hoping to balance his tone between his anxiety and his wish to perk up Ed’s spirits.

It obviously worked as Riddler turned to him with a positively beatific smile.

“No. Some things are definitely worth the effort.”

He leant down with puckered lips but Oswald had barely a chance to pucker his own in preparation when the door across the room was kicked off its hinges dramatically. Both turned with similarly annoyed expressions to see the Teen Titans posed in the doorway.

“Alright criminals,” Robin’s voice announced over the confused hubbub. “We’re here to put you back behind bars!”

Oswald rolled his eyes while next to him Ed huffed and folded his arms irritably. However they were both distracted by another familiar voice declaring their presence.

“Oh I think not little ones.”

The throng of visitors parted to reveal Poison Ivy poised, hand on hip, ready to face down the young heroes.

“Teen Titans… Go!”

Almost as soon as the words left Robin’s lips, all the windows burst inwards with the sudden invasions of vines from who-knows-where. A chorus of calls announced the team were now fully occupied with the ferocious plants and various stray blasts were causing the crowd to panic. Ed and Oswald ducked out of the way and shared a glance of realisation that seemingly no-one had noticed their own presence yet.

Oswald had the presence of mind to raise his umbrella defensively thus concealing them and protecting them from the ongoing battle. He caught at Eddie’s hand and dragged him determinedly to the nearest window.

“Oh! The art!” he lamented as they went.

Several pieces were now smoking ruins of their former selves due to blasts from the careless heroes. He detoured very slightly and grabbed Ed’s favourite one, shoving it into the man’s free hand before continuing on their way. Climbing onto the sill beside the now wilting plant he turned back to his date.

“Better hold on tight,” he suggested, positioning his arms accordingly.

Ed wasted no time in latching himself onto Oswald, his gift clutched tight against his back, and then they simply dropped out the window. With his concentration on controlling their descent and angling them towards their next destination, Oswald couldn’t enjoy the close contact as much as he would have liked. But half way down Ed twisted to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you Os. This is much better than anything we could have found in the gift shop.”

He chuckled slightly.

“Just so you know, I’ll expect something from the aquarium.”

“I’ll get you a penguin,” Ed promised.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“You can hold me to anything you like just so long as you hold me.”

Ed snuggled into his neck and Oswald used every trick he knew to prolong their flight a little longer.

TT

At the aquarium it was Penguin's turn to flaunt his knowledge. While birds were his true passion, he also had a more than impressive knowledge of other aquatic animals. Ed, as it turned out, did not really know much about ecological matters but was more than happy to learn. He listened positively entranced while Oswald spoke of the natural cycles and the effects of human activities.

It was at this point that he realised he needed to distract him however since the recitation of people’s crimes against his feathered friends via the depletion of their food stock was bringing Oswald into a fury. Luckily for him, he’d taken note of the penguin feeding times and easily dragged Oswald along to take part. Quite possibly visitors were not supposed to get involved but the keepers were clever enough not to argue the point and Oswald absolutely delighted in standing amongst his namesakes handing out fish from a bucket.

Edward was sure it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen and he quickly snapped a few shots with his phone before noticing Oswald sneaking bites from some of the fish himself. Well that just wouldn’t do. If his date was hungry then it behove him to feed him properly. Clambering into the enclosure himself therefore he quickly assisted him in distributing the rest of the fish, his memory easily working out which birds still required feeding, and then caught his hand to pull him away.

“But Eddie-” he began to protest.

“Uh uh uh. We can come back to the penguins later. Right now we need to get you some lunch. We still have a whole afternoon’s activities to get through.”

The prospect of lunch obviously swayed Oswald to his point of view, especially since his stomach chose that moment to growl at them. They found the themed restaurant and promptly joined the queue, Eddie encouraging Oswald to take everything he fancied, so that their tray turned into a carefully balanced jigsaw puzzle of packets and plates, and when they got to the checkout Riddler absolutely insisted on paying.

“I promised you a proper date,” he declared. “And what kind of date would I be if I didn’t pay your way?”

He didn’t need say that in fact the money he was paying with was not his own. Despite being a highly successful criminal, Ed never actually seemed to make any profit from his crimes. That being the case he’d been raiding the staff lockers at Arkham for weeks to gather enough to ensure a splendid day out.

As they settled at a table with the food spread out between them, Ed began sampling some of the tastes he was most curious to experience while Oswald dug into a tuna sandwich as his starter.

“So,” he hazarded, carefully sliding the cherry bakewell away from him, “I thought perhaps we should take in a show this afternoon?”

“After going back to the penguins?” Os clarified, licking his fingers and reaching for an anchovy pizza slice.

“Of course.”

Ed was about to qualify that when the sound of chairs and tables being overturned drew their attention. Turning about they briefly saw the lithe figure of Catwoman deftly leaping from table to table, somehow managing not to disturb any dish in her progress, before their eyes were drawn to the group crashing and banging their way after her.

“Return that fish at once Catwoman!”

“On second thoughts,” Ed amended, “Perhaps we should take this to go.”

He scooped up an armful of supplies and watched with relief as Oswald did the same. They then merged their way into the fleeing crowds escaping the chaotic battle breaking out behind them. A quick look suggested nobody was coming close to landing a blow on her and Catwoman was now simply enjoying leading the heroes into accidentally hitting each other.

A sigh distracted Ed’s gaze back to his side.

“And I did so want to see the penguins again.”

“Another day. I promise. We’ll spend a whole day with them if you want.”

Oswald visibly perked up and Ed relaxed as they made their way safely outside and along a side alley away from the lingering crowds.

“I saw  Die Zauberflöte  advertised,” he proposed, immediately translating. “The Magic Flute.”

“I’ve heard of it but I’ve never seen it. What’s it about?”

Ed smiled to himself.

“The usual tale of love and tribulations but there’s a particular character I think you’ll like.”

“Oh?”

“Hhhmm,” Ed offered and would say no more.

TT

The curtains fell leaving a very giggly pair of criminals in their stolen box seats, each parroting “pa-pa-pa-” to each other in mimicry of the famous song. Oswald had not let go of his hand since commandeering the box and the lack of one hand each had meant they’d shared the duties of opening food packets and occasionally feeding each other. The ground around them was now littered with wrappers and empty boxes.

“Did you enjoy it Ozzie?” Ed asked, giving the hand in his a little squeeze as he did so.

The question was quite patently superfluous but he wanted the verbal reassurance anyway.

“I did,” Os immediately confirmed. “That aria though! I simply must get it performed in the Lounge. It was stupendous.”

There was no doubt which one he meant. Der Hölle Rache was rightly renowned and the soprano tonight had done an exquisite job, sending a shiver down both their spines.

“It would be perfect. The theme of vengeance, the shattering notes, quite perfect,” Ed agreed.

The singers were taking their final bows and Os leant forward slightly to see better.

“I wonder if I could convince her to perform?”

Ed felt his distraction keenly at that moment and was just wracking his brain for the best way to reclaim it when Oswald jerked back from the edge of his own accord. The reason being the arrival on the ledge of a familiar green, red and yellow clad figure. He’d already opened his mouth to protest the intrusion when he realised that the figure was in fact facing away from him and he shared a glance of bemusement with Penguin.

As they sat still and quiet behind him, Robin raised his communicator.

“Team. Are you in position? Two Face must be about to strike at any moment!”

The responses were clear enough through the device and the villainous pair listened in curiously.

“Yeah,” a boy’s voice drawled. “But I don’t think he’s showing.”

“Beast Boy’s right,” another male answered. “He’d have struck by now.”

“Nonsense. It's the obvious target. Kiki Te KanKan.”

Next to him, Oswald opened his mouth instinctively to correct the mistake and Ed hastily reached a hand over to cover his mouth. Another voice was already replying anyway.

“I do not believe that is this singer’s name friend Robin.”

“What?”

“Starfire’s right. Added to which, the understudy was on this afternoon.”

There was a distinct pause as that dry message was absorbed and it was clear that Robin’s grip on his device had intensified.

“And it never occurred to you to tell me that?”

“I wanted to watch the performance.”

It was hard to say but it seemed that fumes were beginning to curl around the Boy Wonder’s head.

“Hey. I think they have a snack shop,” the first voice broke in. “Let’s see if they have any burritos. I’m starved.”

Robin visibly deflated.

“Fine. But you're all buying your own.”

Seconds later he dropped casually off the balcony down into the stalls and the duo let out a sigh of relief. Ed met Oswald’s relieved gaze and smiled.

“You didn’t want to get anything else to eat did you?”

A head shake answered him before Os spoke.

“No. I’m quite satiated for now. How about we take a stroll and see what catches our fancy?”

He rose and Ed eagerly followed, leading him out of their little booth with a final wave to the tied and gagged previous tenants. They joined the chattering crowds heading out and only cast a brief glance to the quartet of heroes apparently devouring slushies. Or rather firing icy missiles through the straws at each other.

“Philistines,” Oswald muttered.

Ed nodded vaguely as they came to a stop just outside, adjusting to the daylight and considering their next direction. Their hands had separated out of necessity navigating the crowds and stairs and now Ed found himself hesitating over how to reclaim that closeness. In a momentary act of daring he feigned a wide stretch and yawn and allowed his arm to drop onto the shorter man’s shoulders.

They both froze momentarily as Oswald glanced abruptly to the surprise adornment. But then he smiled and reached up to adjust it into a better position before gesturing to another street.

“How about some window shopping?” he proposed.

Ed managed a nod and they began walking but really he could hardly feel his feet touch the ground.

TT

Window shopping actually gave them an ideal opportunity to compare interests and ambitions. Needless to say Oswald was generally drawn to those which displayed easily recognised symbols of wealth and status; the fashion stores and jewellery shops. Edward however preferred to peruse the less obvious signs of success; the one-of-a-kind displays and high end technology. They both agreed on the pleasure of hunting through antique stores and wanting the very best of anything.

However a slight exception to their priorities happened when they stopped at a common toy shop. Ed claimed to be interested in the puzzles and Oswald was more than happy to accompany him inside. While Riddler browsed (and mentally solved) the available mind bending tricks on offer, Oswald wandered away briefly, and it was several minutes before Ed thought to look for him again. He found him beside a grab machine, staring inside with an expression of clear longing.

“Os?”

“Oh Eddie! Are… um… you ready to go?”

But Ed didn’t answer him, instead moving to look himself into the machine. It was obviously meant to promote their stock to companies looking to replenish supplies for their own games but it was still set up ready to use. Symbolically pushing up his sleeves he grinned at Ozzie.

“The penguin, right?”

“You don’t have to-”

“Nonsense,” he interrupted, already putting his coin in the slot. “It's the least I can do for my boyfriend.”

He puffed out his chest as he used the word and then focused on his mission, having not forgotten Oswald's disappointment regarding the penguins earlier. Oswald meanwhile blushed at the bestowed title and smiled adoringly as he watched. At least, initially he smiled adoringly. The smile froze and faltered as the number of attempts grew and their coin reserve depleted.

When Ed irritably demanded change of the owner, she quietly asked if they wouldn’t simply prefer to buy the toy. They were available elsewhere in the shop. But for Riddler it was now a matter of pride and he was not going to be defeated by a common arcade machine. By this point Oswald had given up looking encouraging and was simply looking with blank boredom at the monotonous back and forward motion of the claw. It wasn’t as if Edward noticed.

Finally, they both held their breath as the claw latched onto it’s target and began the torturous journey over to the chute. It was just swinging into position when the window crashed inwards and a maniacally laughing clown flew in followed by indiscriminate blasts of energy weapons. Ed seemed too fixated on waiting for the claw to release to do anything so Oswald dove into him to get him out of harm's way. Seconds later the machine exploded above them, covering them with toy stuffing and glass shards.

The pair stared over from their compromising position to see Joker, holding pride of place in the shop now, hurling boxes and toys every which way to interrupt the Teen Titans assault. Oswald felt a tug on his arm and looked down at Eddie to see him tilt his head towards a back exit. With a nod, he rolled off him and they began the crawl to safety, Oswald only pausing a moment as his leg caught on something.

They easily made it outside while everyone was distracted and stood quickly to brush themselves off of any undesirable debris. When Ed glanced up again however he had to blink in surprise to see Oswald clutching the penguin he’d wanted and for an instant he froze. Oswald noticed his reaction and hastened to explain.

“It dropped down the chute before the machine was exploded. Thank you Eddie. For winning it for me.”

He continued to hold it nervously as Edward obviously considered events. Then Ed smiled brightly at him.

“Well of course I’d win it for you. No machine gets the better of the Riddler.”

Puffing up with obvious pride he extended an arm. Oswald gratefully tucked himself under it, the daylight fading and leaving something of a chill in the air, before they unilaterally decided to head away from the area.

Though the day was coming to an end neither were willing to call a halt yet. They were determined to make the most of every moment they could since it was by no means certain when they’d have this opportunity again.

TT

Without conscious forethought, their feet carried them to the pier. The sun was setting and the view across the water, with the silhouetted landscape and flocking birds swirling, was mesmerising. After stopping to get some fish and chips, they found a deserted bench to sit quietly chatting and eating while they watched the changing lights of the sky.

Once finished with their food a comfortable silence settled over them and Ed had no hesitation about draping his arm about Ozzie’s shoulders, the chill air being reason enough if he were challenged. He wasn’t of course. Oswald happily tucked himself into his side, plush penguin hugged to his chest, and Edward focused on it as he avoided acknowledging their day coming to an end.

“What are you going to call him?”

“I was thinking, Edward.”

It was probably the sly glance accompanying the answer that made him mistake the answer initially.

“Alright. You were thinking…?” he prompted after a moment.

“No.” Oswald eyed him suspiciously. “I was thinking ‘Edward’. Calling  _ him  _ Edward,” he clarified.

“Oh!”

He blushed slightly with a mixture of embarrassment at his misunderstanding and at the suggestion. Naturally therefore he tried to discomfort Oswald in turn.

“So… You’re going to be cuddling  _ Edward  _ in bed are you?”

As hoped, the comment produced a blush but still Oswald tilted his chin up defiantly.

“Well, if I can’t have the real thing then I shall just have to make do shan’t I?”

It was clearly a challenge and one that Ed was more than happy to receive as he angled his head in turn.

“And who says you can’t have the real thing?”

“Are you saying I can?” Oswald threw back, voice noticeably breathier than before.

Edward felt the best way to answer that would be with a taster demonstration of what he was offering, with the emphasis on ‘taster’. Without further ado therefore he leaned in to provide a sample of his lips to Ozzie. Who quickly seized on the opportunity to explore Eddie’s mouth thoroughly and the taster promptly turned into a full blown cultural exchange.

While Riddler pinned Penguin to the bench, the plushie acting as feeble bolster between them, a commotion broke out further along the pier. Rushing there from seemingly nowhere, the Teen Titans appeared, barrelling past the ensconced love birds without a sideways glance. Seconds later saw them running back the other way, hotly pursued by a boat skimming through the air in their wake. The sound of it crashing might have disturbed the entwined pair if it had not been drowned out by their own low moans as they tightened their holds and deepened their connection.

They remained blissfully unaware as the team ran back past them, again with great determination and encouraging cries, only to turn tail again with screams of alarm as Bane trundled after them with ever increasing momentum. As the noises of battle drifted further away, the enamoured pair finally broke apart to stare hotly at each other, breaths coming shallow and fast.

“I think,” Ed paused to swallow and lick his lips, “it’s perhaps time to head back.”

“Oh. Oh, yes.”

Oswald ducked his gaze, vainly attempting to straighten his clothes where Ed had been plucking and pulling at them. He felt a hand tilt his chin back up to meet the other’s smiling face.

“The only question being… your cell or mine?”

This time Oswald swallowed hard at the unmistakable look being leveled at him and instinctively he found himself weighed down by the unlikelihood of his ever being able to sneak himself into or out of Eddie’s cell. Then he steeled himself against the self doubt, grabbed hold of Ed’s tie and answered firmly, “Both.  _ If  _ that bright mind of yours can fashion a way for us to make the journey.”

His eyes lit up with the challenge and seconds later Oswald found himself being tugged from the bench after an excited Riddler and he couldn’t help but laugh with delight.

TT

The guards had been marking villains back into their custody all day since the break out. Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Two-Face - courtesy of Batman no less - Joker and Bane. Finally they’d found Riddler back in his cell, though nobody knew who had handed him in, and a couple of hours later Penguin had been discovered sitting calmly on his bed.

If anyone had thought to check they might have realised a couple of guards extra had been in evidence, disappearing first when Riddler’s cell had been reoccupied although one had made a brief reappearance on the walk between that cell and Penguin’s before the later had been reoccupied. At the end of the day though, Arkham had all its inmates back where they were supposed to be so no-one worried too much about the details.

In fact, when lights out time came, the employees seemed content to rest on their laurels as far as having the inmates in hand was concerned. Certainly no-one thought to check each was  _ still  _ in the cell they were supposed to be in so only two people knew Riddler’s cell was once again empty.

Penguin watched the lithe figure drop into his room with a flutter of anticipation and a jolt of relief.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be joining me,” he confessed. “Both seemed ambitious in retrospect.”

“Yeah.” Ed sighed as he agreed. “But now I’m here so we’ve technically done both rooms and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind me staying anyway?”

Clearly he hadn’t meant to end on a questioning note but his anxiety had gotten the better of him. Luckily Oswald was not inclined to tease.

“Not at all.”

He shifted over and rearranged the blankets in a blatant invite for Edward to join him in the bed which was eagerly accepted. It took them some awkward shuffling about to find a comfortable position to lie together on the narrow bunk but eventually they settled comfortably.

“Today was perfect Eddie.”

“It wasn’t  _ perfect _ ,” Ed countered at once. “I should have factored in the possible interruptions.”

“It  _ was  _ perfect,” Oswald insisted, “because we were together. Which was all I wanted.”

For added reassurance he placed a kiss onto Ed’s crown, feeling him snuggle in closer in response. It was a couple of seconds until either spoke again.

“Still,” Ed returned to his point. “Next time will be even better.”

“As long as there  _ is  _ a next time,” Oswald conceded, in reality not at all displeased to have a boyfriend so adamant on romancing him properly.

“Speaking of  _ next times _ ...”

The hand drifting under Oswald’s shirt amply conveyed Edward’s inclination and he let out a chuckle in response.

“Again?” he asked somewhat rhetorically, nevertheless relishing the attention.

“What can I say?” Kisses against exposed skin muffled his voice. “I do like to follow through on my plans. And you are, quite frankly, irresistible.”

“Well, I wouldn’t like to…” -his breath hitched as he felt the nip of teeth- “interrupt such a well laid plan.”

He was met with a low growl.

“Not well laid yet,” Ed avowed as he maneuvered to a better position.

And that was a promise they both could agree was well worth keeping.


End file.
